The Art of Attunement: Reading Resistance and Building Rapport with Alyssa Di Bartolomeo

Below is my interview with Alyssa Di Bartolomeo, a researcher at York University. Her specialty is process coding resistance, which is a fancy way of saying she’s an expert at reading clients and detecting subtle signs of resistance.

Alyssa Di Bartolomeo

Now, I know "resistance" is a bad word in therapy. If you say, “this client is being resistant,” some people hear, “this client is a bad person” or “this client is being defiant.” Other people hear “resistance” and think, “Oh man, that means I’m a bad therapist,” or, “Oh no, I did something wrong.”

None of that is what Alyssa means by resistance. Resistance, in her framework, acknowledges the simple fact that sometimes what you’re offering clients is not what they want. Of course, if we don’t attend to this—if we keep insisting on giving clients something they don’t want—that can lead to ruptures, but resistance doesn’t mean at all that you or the client is bad.

That being said, it is important to deal with resistance when it pops up because it can have a negative impact on the therapy for up to a year. After working with Alyssa and learning to see it, I’m pretty convinced that it’s this ability to read clients which separates the average therapist from the master clinicians.

So, if you want to be a better therapist, you should definitely listen to this interview.

Also this August I'm going to be giving a crash course on everything Alyssa taught me (and more)! I'd love for you to attend!

Learn more about the training!

When you attend, you'll earn 8.5 NBCC CEs and learn to read things like subtle signs of resistance and client body language.

We only have 1 spot left!

Best,

Jordan (the counselor)

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Paul Peterson and Jordan Harris are co-founders of Private Practice Incubator, a consulting firm dedicated to:

1. Helping clinicians earn more money.

2. Helping clinicians help more clients.

If you'd like to learn more about launching your practice, visit us here.

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Jordan Harris

Jordan Harris, Ph.D., LMFT-S, LPC-S, received his Doctor of Philosophy in Marriage and Family Therapy from the University of Louisiana Monroe. He is a licensed professional counselor and a licensed marriage and family therapist in the state of Arkansas, USA. In his clinical work, he enjoys working with couples. He also runs a blog on deliberate practice for therapists and counselors at Jordanthecounselor.com

Paul Peterson

Paul Peterson is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) in the state of Arkansas. He has certification and/or training in EFT, hypnotherapy, and mindfulness as well as adult psychological development models. He's been in the mental health field since 2015 and in 2019 worked with a team of authors to publish a content analysis in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. The content analysis reviewed almost 1,000 research articles and tracked trends in publishing and clinical effectiveness research. He has also published a book on a Wholeness-oriented approach to contemporary Christian faith. He gives regular training on clinical skills, hypnotherapy, and business skills for solo practice therapists.