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The Difference Between Husbands and Wives (one therapist's experience)

Today's blog is a few thoughts inspired by my work as a couples counselor. I want to say very clearly, none of this is directly aimed at one specific client. This is a very general theme I've seen in my couples counseling practice for a while now. I wrote this because over the years I've seen so many couples struggling with the same issue, I thought writing up a few thoughts would be useful for future clients.


1/4 Husbands and wives think differently

I've noticed a trend in my married couples. It might be regional. I'm in a historically conservative state where many married couples conform to traditional gender norms. Still, I think it's interesting.

The first part of the trend is kinda cliché. It's the husband who hears his wife's distress and just wants to "fix it."

It's like that old video It's not about the nail.

Or that scene from that even older movie White Men Can't Jump. You know the one where the white guy's girlfriend says she wants a glass of water, and the guy gets all confused because it's not about the water.

The basic moral of both of these videos is husbands just need to sympathize with their wives. If husbands simply did that, they'd have happier, healthier relationships.


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Here's the thing though. While it's a common problem for husbands to fall into "fix it" instead of empathizing, I'm seeing a equally common, but undiscussed issue with wives.

They want their husbands to just "do it."

It doesn't matter what the "it" is. They just believe that if their husband just did "it" right, things would fix themselves.